Terra Incognita

Funny Sentences in My Inbox
It's been a loooooong time coming, folks. Here's a few of the gems gathering dust in my inbox(es):

Dan...sorry I missed your call last night. I was passed out on my bed with the LA Times. Hot.

I say NOAA should sell naming rights to hurricanes. Hurricane The Flavor Of Trident Will Blow You Away. Tropical Depression Wouldn't Happen If You'd Taken Paxil.

She looks scary. Like she's a walking dead person. I am going to look at her as little as possible for fear she will suck out my soul.

You can't forego your dreams because of your sense of guilt. You're not Catholic or Jewish, so you'd have no excuse.

Speaking of tools, Gov. Schwarzenegger just popped up on TV for a special election ad, and it scared the living shit out of me. Mostly because it was louder than the other ads, and Ahnold has no voice modulation to begin with. "I AM GOVENUH SCHWARZENEGGER. YOU ELECTED ME TO REBUILD KULLYFORNIA." Gah!!

It was then I discovered I am not able to talk to people who are naked (especially when I myself am in the buff). They were all, "Where are you ladies from?" and I'm all, "How should I know? I'm naked!"

You're on the fast path to delinquency, young lady. Next thing we know, you'll be chewing gum and running in the halls.

Is someone offering social lives? I'll buy one.

BLATANT ATTEMPT AT APPEARING IN A "FUNNY SENTENCES" LIST TO FOLLOW: Nothing improves the self image like a pair of fake balls. THIS CONCLUDES THIS BLATANT ATTEMPT AT APPEARING IN A "FUNNY SENTENCES" LIST. WE NOW RETURN TO NORMAL BAWSAGE.

You've been in three of my dreams over the last week. Would you knock it off? Wait... this isn't you telepathically crying for help, is it? You're not, like, stuck in a well or been abducted by a cult or something, so you're proping the astral plane to get somebody with whom you share a psychic rapport to take an interest and call the cops, right? If you are, hold on! Help is on the way!

Crap! I have to go to church tomorrow?! I don't have time for church!

Gandhi spent most of his adult life celibate and a lot of people would have you believe Jesus did, too, but I think the core that makes them who they are comes from how they acted when their clothes were on, not when their clothes were off.

You'll both be amused to know that as I did my karaoke performance of "Dress You Up" last night, I had strangers putting dollars down my pants.

Winter 2003 was one of my fave semesters, too! But that might be because I drank about six nights a week.

Hi love duck, It's me.

Overheard in the newsroom: "My wife just had a sonogram today ... our child is 17½ picas long!"

I did once make him cower in the corner and pee himself. Do you think that makes me a bitch?

Your email reminds me of that time I never called you back... what a horrible friend I am, I'm really sorry about that.

It was 25 degrees here yesterday! ...that's in proper degress, not american ones ;o)

Oh my God! Erica's gone kinky on us! :) And it's only Tuesday!