7.13.2009

Funny Sentences in My Inbox, version 12

I'm going to ease back into the blogging realm with a new edition of Funny Sentences (Without Context) in My Inbox. Enjoy.

So yeah, now I'll have to go unspread the word.

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Personally, I believe that this printer is plotting against us and though it has won this battle, the war rages on...BTW ­ just in case the printers do eventually win, let me be the first to put it in writing that I welcome our printer overlords and look forward to their benevolent reign.

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Macs are largely immune to these problems so those of you with Macs can continue to feel smug.

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we are in luzern switzerland and will be home late the 30th. < i am reachable by my cell phone right now but would be best to start after i am back if possible. Thursdazs and < mondazs are great weakdazs for me and weekends . < this kez board is hard to manage...sorry..

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One of my friends is in charge of hiring an intern at his (non-journalism-related) job. This is a cover letter he got. From a grad student.

"chris,

i saw ur post about a intern on the [company] website. if u are still looking for someone id like that job.

see ya,
[his name]"

Apparently this gentleman has a degree from loltech. I weep for humanity.

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If you require wireless access today for whatever reason, please contact [that guy] or [this guy] for support. We can set up a series of smoke signals and carrier pigeons to provide rudimentary connectivity until we have the problem permanently solved.

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How often do you get to say, "There's a kid in a gold boxing robe next to a chick singing Mariah Carey?"

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The recruiters at Glacier were more than happy to hire anyone who could speak rudimentary English and had basic motor skills. Luckily, I fit the bill. Two weeks later I was on a train from Chicago to Glacier Park with 3 boxes clothes and only a slight idea of what I was getting into.

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But will there be a good crowd?? Lots of cute boys for the single ladies? That is important. Maybe moreso than the food.

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My golf game turned out much better than I thought, in that nobody died.

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I have tried to study Spanish and am feeling overwhelmedo and very stupido

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Uhm....your royalties will consist of complimentary air and sunshine....at least once every other leap year. Does that work?

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As far as I'm concerned the state of Oklahoma is only good for musicals and tornadoes (aka I'm still in denial).

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There is nothing more depressing than calling the unemployment office and having the cheerful automated voice tell you, "Due to high call volumes, you must call back Tuesday. Goodbye!"

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My dog's name is Bob. If you shout M-I-Z during the games, he will bark Z-O-U. I'm not sure he likes having "big cats" on his collar most days, but he gives it his all on game days. :-)

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But what if I don't wanna pull the president's face off ... ? :(

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I can think of two stories (the spitting cobra or the horny elephant...), in particular, about nearly being eaten / smooshed (three if you count the time I was chased off site by a lion - not really as dramatic as it sounds, and four if you count the time I chased a lion - also not very dramatic, nor intelligent, but necessary at the time, I assure you...).

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My specialty is geeking out over numbers and data and research.

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If you're in the market for a great TV stand that has glass doors, a deep drawer and doesn't talk during your favorite shows, keep reading. If not, you're done. Thanks for your time; I'm sure you have other emails to read.

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I'll be sneaking out a little early this afternoon to catch Barack at ASU. Pending an invitation to fill a Supreme Court vacancy, I'll be back in the office bright and early tomorrow morning.

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You probably noticed that the two photos I sent yesterday looked amazingly similar. The technical term for this condition is "human error."