WARNING: This blog post is rated PG-13
Some All content not appropriate for children under the age of 13

Last night I went with nine other girls (only one of which I'd ever met before) to see the Chippendales from Vegas, who were to put on a show that was "a series of disarmingly sexy yet tasteful routines...the show artistically encapsulates a wide range of female fantasies to provide a sensuous and fast-paced performance that offers the perfect blend of music, hot dance moves, and sensual theatrics." I was a bit disappointed. I expected a better performance from the ultimate of the male stripper career path. Apparently "tasteful" is a relative term. So are "dance moves" and "artistically." These guys were not 'N Sync. Neither were they in sync, though most of their "dance moves" were half-heartedly stolen from 'N Sync and Backstreet Boys music videos, circa 2002. I felt like I was watching a fraternity performance at RAMS. Only one of them could actually move to a beat (he was the Black one, of course, proving once again that white guys can't dance), and two of them had paunches! If the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders have to be big-boobed and flat-stomached, I want my Chippendales to be washboard-abbed. I'm talking about gender equality here! There was one routine that had three guys dressed up in white Marine officer outfits and they spent the whole "I Can Be Your Hero, Baby" song walking around the stage and saluting before stripping down to stars and stripes boxer briefs. *Yawn*

The guy who was kinda the leader/MC was so slimy with his Fabio-wannabe long, stringy blond hair. Classic line from the night: "...And I want to thank the bar tenders in the back. They're the ones responsible for keeping you WET all night! [piss-drunk female crowd screams in ecstasy]" I think they count on the women being so wasted that their beer goggles are in full force, and all they can see is a speedo-covered schlong bouncing around on the stage. It was really very pathetic, yet quite amusing, to watch the women (and the one gay man in the front row) clammoring after these guys. Oh, a few of them were pretty good-looking; one guy with glasses was quite attractive. Whewy! And there was one guy whose profile looked so much like George from Desperate Housewives that it nearly sent me over the edge laughing imagining George doing a snap-leg tuxedo strip tease for Bree.

So my verdict on the Chippendales: An amusing way to spend an evening with the girls if you want some laughter, but no need to shell out $24 to see it ever again. The girls I met were fun, though! None of them were the patheticly wasted women falling out of their sequined tops trying to fight their way through the rows to slip $1 in the sweaty Daisy Duke shorts of one of the grease-bombs to massage his greasy bum. They just might be some keepers.

Question of the week:
Who came first: Chip 'N Dale? Or the Chippendales?

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