Just in Case You Didn't Know
God Hates Fags: the music video

And as a public service, this guy Donnie, who claims to be a "reformed homosexual," lists on his website a bunch of the bands you should avoid because of their gay associations. The predictable ones are on there: Rufus Wainwright, Marilyn Manson (a "dark gay"!), Melissa Ethridge, Clay Aiken, the Village People, Elton John and the Indigo Girls (the last two are listed twice!). But he also includes Jay-Z and Frank Sinatra. I guess there's something we don't know about how friendly the Rat Pack actually was.

I don't know if I should laugh or cry.

Go IntroDooce Yourself*
The Chinese may have proclaimed 2006 as the Year of the Dog, but I will remember it as the Year of the Dooce. For those of you unfamiliar with Heather B. Armstrong, well, where do you get your daily dose of dry, hyperbolic humor? She cracks me up with her wit and outlook on life as a wife, mother, dog owner and recovering Mormon. And she designs pretty mastheads and takes amazing pictures. I believe we could be great friends. She's the type of person you talk about boobs and farts with while drinking alcoholic coffees before moving on to the lighter topics of global warming and the effect depression has on families. If you need an overview, let me help:

+ Evolution of the Mormon Cusser
+ Drunken Underpants Remodeling Again
+ Side Effects May Include Miscommunication
+ Having Dated Walking Red Flags
+ Even More Important Than a Pop Tart

Please tell me you laughed at least once while reading those.

*Megan was the one who introdooced me.

It May Look Simple Here, But This Sucker Requires a College Degree to Strap Yourself in
I bought a backpack this weekend. But not just any backpack. This is my new Journey to the Center of My Soul backpack by REI. I want to take it into work just so I can zip and unzip all the zipping parts, clasp and unclasp all the clasping parts and tell everyone, "Look! This is where I can portion off my dirty clothes or hiking shoes! And here? Here is where you zip away the straps so they don't get caught in the conveyor belt if I decide to check my luggage (even though it's small enough to take as my carry-on). And you won't believe this! The sternum strap has a built-in whistle. It's like a rape whistle! That'll keep those Italians from clucking at me!"

Man I miss Show and Tell.

What I've Learned, 2006 edition
See previous installment of "What I've Learned"

+ Drugs are amazing. Steroids in particular. Result: bye-bye sore throat.

+ I have more magazine subscriptions than I can keep track of. This doesn't bother me except when I realize I've missed an issue of Texas Monthly.

+ Rosemary makes just about any main course taste even better.

+ Having a social life cuts into my book-completion rate, but that's ok.

+ I'm still way too easily distracted.

+ Actually doing what my trainer tells me to do gets results.

+ A budget is a freeing thing.

+ Cats are easier to take care of than dogs.

+ Single women in their 30s (or at least the single women in their 30s who hire me to house-sit) do not eat healthy. It seems that fruits and veggies are foreign objects in their kitchens.

+ Acting like you know what you're doing really does buy you time to figure out what you're supposed to be doing.

+ A handful of fine chocolates and a couple glasses of wine can make a meal.

+ A Bandit makes everything better.