Funny Sentences in My Inbox, version 11

Wow. It's been a year since my last installment of Funny Sentences. Enjoy!

Busch is not beer. What we had at Gordon Biersch? THAT is beer. Please do not confuse the two again - it will only cause you pain.

I'm leaving soon, too. I have chills, and I really don't need to get sick. There are germs floating around all over this place. I feel like I can see them.

Me: I didn't realize it was so cold last night until I went to the grocery store in just a hoodie!
Him: Just a hoodie? Were your legs cold?
This was in front of my boss, no less. My boss! So, of course, men being visual creatures, there was this moment of silence where I know every male coworker in earshot (there were about three) were picturing me pantless. God.

Sunday: Went to the naked hot springs in Ouray with [name withheld], where we ran into my coworker WHO SAW ME NAKED, and vice-versa. As I write this, he is mere cubicles away from me, working on outdoors stories. It's awkward.

That sounds fun, and that day is good for me. Are we limited to bringing our own roommates and boyfriends or could I bring my roommate's boyfriend? Or maybe my roommate's boyfriend's roommate?

Judging from what my parents say about their work experiences, I've had an unusually lucky streak with people here. There are only a few people I want to kill on a daily basis, which is a pretty low ratio of annoying-to-awesome.

is Mr. Scratchy Throat still spending the evenings w/you? i kicked him out of my house a couple of weeks ago. he wasn't paying rent or utilities.

"She's had more husbands than I've had tacos."

As you probably know already, I am leaving for Tanzania in a few days to climb Mount Kilimanjaro.

How can these headlines be so great if they're not referencing mid-90s songs that 85% of the newspaper reading public won't get?

Agreed. When you get an award for a headline making a Chumbawamba reference, get back to us. (realizing as I type this that [name withheld] may very well have done a hed with a "But they get up again" reference at some point)

If I'd taken a picture every time I'd seen Comic Sans yesterday (and most days in NYC), I'd have a full picture card.

It's that time of year again. Time for me to pretend I've done a better job of staying in touch, so it's not awkward when I ask for a charitable donation.

And so I should clarify: I am not selling a dildo. To the people on the listserv or to anyone else.

My boss almost used Comic Sans today - to describe a report I work on! Thankfully I was allowed to block him off before it was sent out. The embarrassment alone might have caused me to quit.

Well, it's back to normal Dutch life. Yesterday Jim saw the Queen, (who came to his building to officially open it), this afternoon Sterling is playing at the home of a Polish friend from his class, and I was told by the doctor this morning that 7 weeks to get over a deep chest cough wasn't that long, give it another couple weeks. When I told my next door neighbor this she was surprised he didn't tell me to sleep with an onion next to my head, their usual advise. Maybe I'll try it.

And if you do get this job, you'll have to write a memoir or an article or at least a J-school lecture called "How a Penis Joke Jumpstarted My Career."

Erica: nice to meet you! (shaking hands, don’t want to freak you Americans out with immediate kisses).

If you don't know Erica, it doesn't matter. By that time I hope to have her innebriated enough that she'll pretend to know you.

this week i'm enjoying the lack of estrogen in my life.

Hey, while you're there, can you stop by the second floor and see if you can find Jason and I's livers, dignities, and self-respects? You should find them in the 210 closet in a pool of cheap liquors, splashing and playing like a kiddie pool of defective clone children.

He's moving to China to teach English. Not that he knows Chinese. Or that his English has ever been stellar.

Everything that sucks at the time becomes a funny story later. Yeah. I think I want that on my tombstone.

Plus, did you see when scrolling down on that Amazon listing that there's a comment entry entitled "God Does Not Have A Penis". Now THAT is something we should be reading about. ;)

everything was great until he dropped that bombshell, and then I shrank away like a wool sweater on "tumble dry low."

Let me know if there’s anything I can do to be of assistance in the job hunt. Even if it means calling you to say, “At least you have your legs.” Or I can tell you silly jokes. Or pretend to be JFK.

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