Pick Your Excuse
I've been too ___________ to update lately.

A) busy
B) sick
C) lazy
D) lacking in content
E) All of the Above

But Don't Worry
I'm feeling better, feeling motivated, and getting a better handle on the coming deadline, so a new post will be coming soon. In the meantime, amuse yourself with the following super-long installment of:

Funny Sentences in My Inbox

Few things are scarier. I'm certain they'll never have sex. Certain.

He's a hoot! I love parents. They say the darndest things.

I also witnessed my first incident of spousal abuse when Jon 'accidentally' whacked Megan in the nose with his elbow - inflicting slightly black eyes!

Erica said pussy! It must be Friday.

You look great, but the red light makes it look funny, as if you were at a Brothel?

Hi there Miss Toots A Roni!

I downloaded "Century" for use in all my legal documents. TNR just doesn't cut it, IMO. Century looks like we mean business.

Is she the K-State sister??? Don't let her touch any of my Mizzou stuff...it might burn her hands!

So this is an update to my current status as being an unemployed graduate since this past May, though I will admit I enjoyed having this distinction, it is a badge of honor.

Apparently, he and I were involved in some "level one" flirting last night, but I was not aware of it.

Only in the gay community can you see forty-year-old men giggling about each other. It looks like junior high meets a monastery. But better clothing.

You're the most wonderfulest person ever for finding our chocolate.

It's official - I didn't drink today, so yes, you had more beers than I did this week. Now when does fire rain from the sky?

I've always wanted to be a journalist ever since I played a little arcade game known as Paperboy. Or to be Spider-Man or an NHL player.

I'm not using "lay" and "lie" because I don't remember the correct usage.

I'm all for consistency, except when it is consistent S-H-I-T.

Is Meredith really good in bed? Like, does she shoot out flames and bray like a donkey? Because I can see no other reason that Derek AND Finn would want to fight over her.

If I were a lesbian, we would definitely be a couple for as much as we hang out. She's like my other, tofu-eating, environmentally responsible half.

MU beat Texas Tech on the road. Arkansas beat Auburn. OU lost. The Yankees lost. Yeah, I'm pretty sure this is pretty much the best sports day, ever. E-V-E-R.

damn that's a long word which i'm sure i miissspellld.

it would be a sad day if your bird flu was what gave you your 15 minutes of fame. i can think of more noble causes.

OK, we're not using that e-mail subject line about lesbians anymore, because one of our columnists just walked by and shouted out, 'Lesbian porn training video? What? Explain!"

And I want to be nice, and I don't want to make any judgments before actually meeting her, and, you know, maybe it'd be different if I met a girl first and then received a note from her after already having a first impression. But... Really bad spelling might be an insurmountable obstacle. Does that make me shallow?

I say: You're either with us, or you are with Comic Sans.

P.S. The reporter sitting behind me just used the phrase 'naming rights,' which makes me think of Dan's blog, always.

Gaaaah! I was so glad to hear from you I got butterflies in my tummy. How cool is that? Um, so cool?

Of course I should try to get rid of the rat. I'm not inviting him to tea. We're not staying up late talking about boys.

So last night I dreamt that Protz and I were in New York, and she was seduced by Snoop Dogg. I promptly sent you and Pat a text message that read, "OMG OMG OMG."

i totally sent that email to you b/c i designed it and was all "e would appreciate this." and i like to send my friends all of my clippings, a la eli cash in tenenbaums.

Why can't good Mizzou news happen on a day I'm at work? 'Cause dangit, you guys already took both angles I was about to pounce on: "I wonder if they'll take their ATVs along, or if they'll leave them for future troubled juco recruits?" and "If he next goes to Manhattan, we'll know he's stalking Erica, just out of order."

The title track will have you dancing in your underwear...at least, that's what I do...wait, that was probably too much info. Uhhh...yeah.

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