Get out your No. 2 pencils!
A Leaky Cauldron, of Sorts brings you another poll. Another three polls, actually! The Oscars are just a week away, and yet again the Academy has forgotten to mail my ballot. I'm guessing they forgot yours, too. No worries! We'll let the movie-going community know what we think with the polls below. AND! Until Wednesday, I'll be accepting write-ins that I'll add to the poll, just in case your favorite movie of 2005 got overlooked by the snobby film community.

Because my taste supercedes all others, the film that SHOULD win Best Picture is:
Brokeback Mountain
Capote
Crash
Good Night, and Good Luck
Munich
Current results

If the Academy listened to me, they'd give ______ the Oscar for Best Actress
Judi Dench in "Mrs. Henderson Presents"
Felicity Huffman in "Transamerica"
Keira Knightley in "Pride & Prejudice"
Charlize Theron in "North Country"
Reese Witherspoon in "Walk the Line"
Current results

If all is right with the world, the Oscar for Best Actor will go to:
Philip Seymour Hoffman in "Capote"
Terrence Howard in "Hustle & Flow"
Heath Ledger in "Brokeback Mountain"
Joaquin Phoenix in "Walk the Line"
David Strathairn in "Good Night, and Good Luck."
Current results

Did you catch that, Dubya?
What you would have heard, had you been listening in on my phone calls last week.

"You know what I've learned? Poop is proportional."
-Me to my mom while house-sitting for my friend Jill, whose BIG black lab leaves larger calling cards that wee little Bandit.

"It's not like you're socially impotent or anything."
-Sarah, to me

"If you're not going to connect me to someone who can solve my problem, you can at least get me a cup of coffee. Or maybe a margarita."
-Me, after wasting an hour on the phone with HP tech support, being transfered from one department to the next. No worries! Now I have the direct number to the Executive Complaint Line. (I can hook you up if you need it, but it might cost you a cup of coffee. Or maybe a margarita.)

I often have the strong urge to climb a tree when I pass by a particularly climbable one. I must be descended from the tree-dwelling primates.

Desperate Neighbors
A fire engine! An ambulance! TWO police cars! A formerly raving, drugged-up lunatic knocked down by the police and bleeding on his driveway after being shot with a tranquilizer! His girlfriend talking with the cops! Two wild dogs roaming the streets!

That was the scene two doors down and across the street when I got home yesterday afternoon. It was like a scene from everyone's favorite suburban soap opera, all the neighbors out on their front porches, exchanging stories of what they saw from their viewpoint. We haven't seen that much excitement around here since just after Thanksgiving when the guy's wife died from a drug overdose and child protective services took their kids away.

The good thing about all this is that, in a city where no one knows their next-door neighbor's names, it's brought the neighborhood out and chatting. Now if only we can harness that community feeling and figure out why the new neighbors, two college-ish-aged guys who just moved in next door to us, drive a FedEx van. My mom speculates that they're moonlighting as coyotes (smugglers of illegal Mexican immigrants, not the hockey team currently in deep shit for being part of a gambling ring).

And This Makes Me Two Degrees From VH1's Best Week Ever
My hometown gossip sources (Inger via Tim) notified me last week that the K-State student who asked Bush about his reaction to Brokeback Mountain was none other than former MHS class clown Jeremy Parker. His interview skills are definitely a product of Mrs. Wika's intense journalism program.

Tagged by Margaret

FOUR JOBS I'VE HAD:
1. Youth reporter for the Manhattan Mercury
2. Daycare worker at Unique Fitness Gym
3. Student worker in the office of the Vice Chancellor of Administrative Services
4. Ambassador of General Awesomeness (You doubt me on that one?)

FOUR TV SHOWS I LOVE
1. Grey's Anatomy
2. Desperate Housewives
3. Arrested Development
4. Friends

FOUR MOVIES I CAN WATCH OVER AND OVER
1. Saved!
2. Pirates of the Carribean
3. Almost Famous
4. Love Actually

FOUR PLACES I'VE LIVED
1. Manhattan, Kan.
2. Columbia, Mo.
3. London, England
4. Chandler, Ariz.

FOUR PLACES I'VE VACATIONED
1. Winter Park, Colo.
2. Barcelona, Spain
3. London, England
4. Block Island, RI

FOUR OF MY FAVORITE DISHES
1. Just about any cut of steak
2. Grilled salmon
3. Toasted ravioli
4. Macaroni and cheese with hot dogs

Filed Under: Other
Jack the Mac is in the hospital. He might not make it out alive. Your support is much appreciated at this tough time in our lives.

If you don't like the words "anal" or "poop," well, you've already read too far
So you know the scooting around on their butts thing that dogs do? Apparently that's caused when a dog can't empty his anal sacs. Bandit spent Monday morning in the vet's office where they emptied his impacted anal glands. Today, he started scooting again and he couldn't poop properly. Fortunately I had the day off from work, so I made my first visit to the vet. The poor puppy could sense something was up; he cowered and shook in the back seat of Yolanda the Honda the whole ride. He looked so pathetically cute, I about lost it. If I nearly cry when taking the dog to the vet, I'm going to be a wreck the first time I have to take my child to the doctor.

The real purpose in telling you all this, though, is that in the process of trolling the internets for information about impacted anal glands, I ran across the most fantastic website that explains it all. And by "fantastic" I mean "has interactive diagrams." Where else can you play a little game of "Drag the Vet Tech's Hand to the Dog's Anus, Fish Around Inside, and Remove a Poopy Cloth"? I mean, seriously.