Which one of the following should Erica put on her personalized license plate? 
Current results

funny sentences in my inbox™Fiscus
Yowsa!! Those people are all kinds of naked.

Good call, my friend. It's sort of like you're Oprah.*
*Meant in literary context only. Unless you want to give me a car.

Dear sweet crap! There's a way to put polls on one's blog? I... I'll never have to make a decision on my own again! My every action can be dictated by a committee of blog readers!

Too bad you don't have enough letters to do ERICABRAKES.

They're way lucky to have you, because someday when I'm running my own magazine or Other Important Thing, I'm going to steal you away and pay you lots of money and feed you figs and buy you even better Ipods. And then they might just have to hire someone who uses comic sans. HA!

I tried "Accio checkbook!" when I couldn't find it yesterday, but to no avail.

Well, as it stands, I am "in between houses" yeah, I was walking down 10th street in Washington, DC, and a homeless lady laughed at me. They can smell the homelessness on you, and they mock it. If I could have a house at all, any where at all, it would be in the Capitol Mall in DC. and on the front I would have the sign "hey congress, if you lived here, you'd be home by now."

By the way... you left and the temperature skyrocketed. I think you must have let the hot weather slip out of your bag. It's in the 90s today. Yikes.

...as I recall it was while watching some Friday-night-of-Homecoming Greektown skits. (If only actual world conflicts were as easily solved as Truman's invariable foibles of the Homecoming skit variety. "Ooooh, Osama, we've got you now!" Truman distracts enemy, cartoon or Disney character drops 2,000 ton weight on enemy, "and that's how Truman saved Homecoming from the terrorists forever," cue Ev'ry True Son.)

"She said that that 'that' that that man used was wrong."

Wanna see what I found crawling on my leg during a shower this weekend? [insert picture of 2-inch-long scorpion] The hotel manager's response was: "We're in the Keys. It's the tropics, you know?" They expect me to uncurl from the fetal position later on this week.

Wide camera shots + hot people + classically trained acting + swords + more hot people + no nipples on Batman suit = AWESOME.

HP has already helped further my literacy; when I saw "protean" in The Economist, I knew what it meant because of Hermione's protean charm on the galleons for D.A. meetings.

Sounds like more fake etymology on the loose.

They're painting my office and I think I'm high.

Why don't I have normal dreams about going to school naked? I have NEVER had that dream. Probably because I love clothes and fashion too much to ever forget to clad myself before going into public.

Did I just make it onto Funny Sentences *four* times? Now I'm going to feel cool all day.

Indeed, it is a sad day. Kelly Kapowski? Married. My heart? Broken. Into 8 million pieces.

Hey, she writes for the Post. She can't be expected to deal in facts.

You better step out of the shower, 'cause I gotta flush ... due to the fact that I just puked in the proverbial toilet

Best regards,
Brad Pitt

Stay cool in the desert! Is it anything like Hey Dude? Just kidding. I do miss that show though. *sigh* Melody and Brad were so cool.

In 11 hours, I will be watching Anakin become Darth Vader. For you, that means the guy who played Stephen Glass will become the guy who voiced Mufasa in "The Lion King." For a whiny Canadian to become a thundering black man, George Lucas better have some awesome special effects.

It's all very eighth grade, but I'm (gulp) jealous. And you know how jealousy makes you feel 25 pounds heavier.

So I've found that forcing myself to read magazines only when on the treadmill makes a good cardio plan. (Curiously, I'm in better shape around when TM and Esquire arrive ... ) Now if I can just figure out how to attach the mag to the bench-press bar, and I can round out the ol' fitness regimen. =)

Happy G8 Summit! (And may America remember our Dear Friend Mr. Bush when our children's coastlands are flooded and cancer becomes like a common cold)

5. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE? I'm not telling you, then the word will get around, and then the toaster won't want to work, because I said that I was partial to the blender, and, blah, blah, blah. It's too much to bear.

Oh, and P.S. It's coincidental that half these sentences are fodder for your funny sentences segment. I wasn't trying. These are all just accidental masterpieces.

I used to say I could handle my friends getting married, that it wouldn't feel weird until they started having kids. Well, one couple from the team -- she's our age, he's a year younger -- are expecting. Yikes! (Dear friends: No procreating please. Thanks.)

Wow, that was too deep!?!?! I'm going all 'Walden' on your asses, because I've been sitting on the porch, watching sunsets and hanging out on the dock the past two days!

In His Blessings Love Jesus God Crusade Saved Always,
[name withheld]

In other news, I'm totally jealous of your outdoors opportunities. Although we do have a mountain now ... inside the new Cabela's.

I've done NOTHING today. Every time important people walk by, I'm on the Internet. This is ridiculous.

P.S. I did not copy-paste this e-mail. This one's just to you. : )

So about one minute till deadline, I get a ballet review. Luckily the reviewer had suggested a headline, for I quickly was reminded that I know very little about ballet. I totally should have you on call as a lifeline for such situations.

You all are getting slammed by Dan. He's a like Funny Sentences In My Inbox Machine! Pick up the pace, folks!

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