your first dose of funny sentences in my inbox for 2005

I hope your butt doesn't show up on the Enquirererer. Not that I wouldn't want to see it. But for your butt's own personal integrity.

Maybe I'll meet a cute guy to go out with on Valentine's Day, but I doubt it. Most of the people there last time had mullets.

I visited Jeffries in DC, and she's living like a Queen-size bed owning, condo-living mad lady.

I remember your party last year and seeing everyone's faces when Janet's boob came flopping out. That was CLASSIC.

did I tell you about the time that I was in the bathroom and was privy to a business call? Someone in the stall was making a business call on their cell phone. I found myself trying not to pee too loud, and then thought 'wait a minute...I'm not the one being inappropriate!'

My brain first read the "He should be shot" and "Happy Inauguration Day." Draw your own conclusions.

I'm so happy for Pat that he's becoming such a success...but every time I start to feel a little jealous, I just remind myself that he has a Homer Simpson tattoo on his shoulder. It's humbling.

I do have to warn you, my dear, about wondering how those with poor syntax manage to earn degrees from our esteemed J-school. Have you ever received an email from Tim?

Oh! It's the one where I have cleavage! Yay!

what up woman! its so good to hear from you!! are you lovin life?!

I'm gay (but...is that REALLY surprising? Probably not!)

If it would make you feel better..you could take pictures of your designs and e-mail them to me and I could tell you that they all suck, so you could feel like you've got a teacherly person to help you out.

Hey, I just went to the bathroom, but I washed my hands. Just thought I'd let you know.

P.S. Do I sound like a total asshole in my most recent blog post? You can be honest : )

Monday through Wednesday waking up is equivalent to getting punched nine times in the face. The punch being from Father Time while he holds his spike-studded clock.

I just made a up a word, for I, obviously, am our generation's Shakespeare.

Maybe the magazine would sell more copies if you put everything in Wingdings.

I only have three weddings slated (to go to, not my own), and that has grabbed up most of my vacation time. So I too ask that my friends hold off till 2006 -- or get married on a Tuesday or Wednesday.

Have a lovely evening sending your heating bill skyrocketing or whatever your plans may be.

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